Shot Through The Heart And You're To Blame

It was love at first sight when Tammy and Gray met that day at the shooting range. Within hours they’d disappeared into the wilderness, and all anyone heard for hours were rounds and rounds of ammunition being fired. Tammy only pretended to need steadying; she was actually a much better shot.



















Gray still appreciates a good old gun. He added a scabbard to his repertoire the same year he picked up the nifty scarf/ascot technique shown here—he might live in a trailer, but that doesn’t keep him from lookin’ like a world traveler. He’s basically a nice guy, but doesn’t like to be caught off guard, that’s all.




















Tammy has upgraded her guns with the years, and thinks concealed weapons are for sissies. The local Kmart won’t let her in any more, and she’s about to give them a piece of her mind, then head on over to Wal-mart to try her luck. She is the NRA.

What Napoleon Complex?

Nat was a tough kid from the wrong side of the tracks. He did a lot of hard living by the time he was 10, and by then his parents learned that smoking had stunted his growth. He’d also been left back in school twice, while graduating from two rehab programs.

So, maybe he’s not the tallest dude in town. Wanna make something of it? Don’t think he wouldn’t attack you like a ferocious pit bull. Really piss him off and he'll talk his friend Manny into helping him kick your ass.

Work It

From the time he was just a little tyke Anthony’s nickname was Tinker, because he liked to play with machines, take them apart and turn them into something better. Even his amblyopia didn’t slow him down. Here he is with his first turntable; he’d built his first mixer within weeks, before anyone even knew what they were.















Tinker still has sort of a lazy eye, and one of the world’s laziest bodies. He spends his days hanging around the house, mostly undressed, working on his various inventions. This one’s going to be a combination back-shaver and stretch mark remover. When he’s done tweaking it, he’s going to make millions.

ADD...Not Just For Adults

Saul was a thoughtful dude. You’d be talking to him, and suddenly he’d be staring off into space, clearly thinking about something else. He didn’t mean to seem rude, or to imply that you weren’t interesting. He just had a lot on his mind. Always.

And he’s still the exact same way. His wife and co-workers are continually annoyed by his inability to focus or follow through, but somewhere along the way he has picked up kind of a reputation as a genius, so everyone just waits when he gets this look on his face. He’ll be back, and when he’s back he’ll probably have another million dollar idea in his back pocket.

Some Pain, Some Gain

Tracy and Rayann knew they were a little out of shape, and started working out the summer they turned thirteen. Rayann’s older sister told them they’d never get anywhere, but agreed to take their picture. She was always one of the popular girls; she’d never understand. “Rayann, with cellulite-covered thighs like those, you’re screwed for life,” she said, tossing her hair.

But working out really does pay off if one is persistent, and now Rayann (on the left) and Tracy (center) are professional retro models, trying to make the clothes of yesteryear popular once more. And you can see from the look they’re getting from their jealous cohort that they’ve really got their act together. You go, girls.

Got Milk?

Dev always went to the store with Dad, but wouldn’t let Dad stand in line beside him. It was bad enough listening to the totally uncool stream of racist bullshit that Dad was always spouting. Dev tried to stare at the elaborate linoleum floor pattern at the A&P and pretend he had a free-thinking, open-minded parent who fit in with the times. What had Mom ever seen in this oily gas bag?




















But after Mom died, everything changed. Dad started using rogaine, wearing wifebeaters, and then there was the Hitler moustache. You’d think he would have been more embarrassing than ever, but by this time not only had Dev gotten used to it, he’d halfway started believing Dad’s spewings, and even sharing his wifebeaters. Dev…you oughta be ashamed of yourself. Hope you become as intolerant of lactose as you are of everything else. And lose the mullet!

Gimme an F

Felicia was the most popular cheerleader in the tri-county area. Policemen, cowboys and Indians were lining up to watch her perform her sassy moves. One year at Homecoming she didn’t wear panties, and was gossiped out of town soon after...but you should have heard the crowd roar that night.

Time's done nothing to diminish Felicia’s fiery fierceness. She’s still cheering for her favorite team, has her own fan club, and is still giving the crowd a free show at least once a year, despite the fact that they boo and beg her to stop.