Turn And Face The Strange

Mario (“the original super Mario,” as he self-refers) rocked the ‘70s like almost no one else with an inimitable style that was truly his own, at least in the small town where he grew up. This particular outfit was responsible for at least one unwanted offspring that he’s aware of. But then, one magical night in the dark men’s room of a disco dive, what he thought was going to be blow turned out to be something completely different, and Mario never looked back.

Having held on to his vanity firmly, Mario did not want his photo taken now that he’s gotten older. Instead he let me get this shot of his current boy toy. It’s all about the belt buckle and the bulge, but Mario could have told you that thirty years ago.

What Napoleon Complex?

Nat was a tough kid from the wrong side of the tracks. He did a lot of hard living by the time he was 10, and by then his parents learned that smoking had stunted his growth. He’d also been left back in school twice, while graduating from two rehab programs.

So, maybe he’s not the tallest dude in town. Wanna make something of it? Don’t think he wouldn’t attack you like a ferocious pit bull. Really piss him off and he'll talk his friend Manny into helping him kick your ass.

Work It

From the time he was just a little tyke Anthony’s nickname was Tinker, because he liked to play with machines, take them apart and turn them into something better. Even his amblyopia didn’t slow him down. Here he is with his first turntable; he’d built his first mixer within weeks, before anyone even knew what they were.















Tinker still has sort of a lazy eye, and one of the world’s laziest bodies. He spends his days hanging around the house, mostly undressed, working on his various inventions. This one’s going to be a combination back-shaver and stretch mark remover. When he’s done tweaking it, he’s going to make millions.

All Your Hugs And Kisses Too

Lonnie never forgot the magical high school moment when not only did he have two bodacious babes sucking on his nipples at the same time, but his best friend also grabbed a camera, capturing the moment for posterity and allowing Lonnie to spend the remainder of his adolescence reliving the electric pleasure of this completely mind-blowing moment. He even momentarily forgot to keep holding his stomach in. He framed this photo and still sleeps with it beneath his pillow.

















Because Lonnie really, really liked it. So much so that he’s spent most of the rest of his life trying to find another woman or two to suckle from his man-teats. He’s continually making this proffering gesture, but it’s very, very seldom that anyone takes him up on it.

I Wrestle With My Conscience

The McClatchy brothers were in pretty good shape, but always showed up for practice dressed just a little too loudly for most of the other kids’ tastes. It’s pretty obvious why people called them gay behind their backs. Umberto had extra issues because he was the short one.













The McClatchys still aren’t quite sure of the dress code, and have lost any hint of buffness they ever possesed, but like to keep things colorful and athletically-inspired. Poor Umberto lost a significant portion of his legs in an unfortunate encounter with a chipper and now has to be impressed by other portions of his anatomy.

Dropped By Dad

Dad always liked Eddie best; that’s why he got a life jacket and a safe poolside perch. But when Erwin said he wanted to learn how to swim, he got flung like a booger. Then Dad and Eddie laughed when he surfaced, choking back the tears and swallowing so much water that he threw up later.




















Erwin eventually got over his aquaphobia, and had a successful career as a Wall Street broker, whereas Eddie inherited the family business, a bobble-head empire, and managed to run it into the ground within two years of their father’s death. Now Erwin lets Eddie rent the room above his garage and charges extra when he locks himself out.