ADD...Not Just For Adults

Saul was a thoughtful dude. You’d be talking to him, and suddenly he’d be staring off into space, clearly thinking about something else. He didn’t mean to seem rude, or to imply that you weren’t interesting. He just had a lot on his mind. Always.

And he’s still the exact same way. His wife and co-workers are continually annoyed by his inability to focus or follow through, but somewhere along the way he has picked up kind of a reputation as a genius, so everyone just waits when he gets this look on his face. He’ll be back, and when he’s back he’ll probably have another million dollar idea in his back pocket.

Got Milk?

Dev always went to the store with Dad, but wouldn’t let Dad stand in line beside him. It was bad enough listening to the totally uncool stream of racist bullshit that Dad was always spouting. Dev tried to stare at the elaborate linoleum floor pattern at the A&P and pretend he had a free-thinking, open-minded parent who fit in with the times. What had Mom ever seen in this oily gas bag?




















But after Mom died, everything changed. Dad started using rogaine, wearing wifebeaters, and then there was the Hitler moustache. You’d think he would have been more embarrassing than ever, but by this time not only had Dev gotten used to it, he’d halfway started believing Dad’s spewings, and even sharing his wifebeaters. Dev…you oughta be ashamed of yourself. Hope you become as intolerant of lactose as you are of everything else. And lose the mullet!

Give A Hoot

No one thought Janice or Janine would ever become real musicians, but they were so cute walking around town in their matching outfits. And Janine had some actual talent…not a lot, but still.




















Fact is, people are suckers for anything two of a kind, quality be damned, and the ladies landed a job with one of the better European orchestras. They share an apartment to cut down on expenses, and make a pretty good salary—at least enough so that they can still afford matching outfits, a slew of instruments, and indulging in their newest fun hobby: making the floor, ceiling and walls all match. These girls are a whole lot of good, clean fun, but you’re probably glad they don’t live in your neighborhood.

Beach Boys

Trevor and Tracy loved the beach, and even though they didn’t know how to walk, they tried to make up for it with lots of exercise, hair dye, and enthusiastic smiles. They eagerly crawled their way to the shore each morning for some pre-work body surfing, and for years the crowds adored them.














Problem is, Trevor and Tracy never bothered learning how to walk, and they became more lax in their grooming and exercising routines, so people stopped paying as much attention. One day a big wave knocked both of them out, and they drifted to shore, where they lay senseless for an hour, then woke up in this position. Now they’re grimly hoping their nanny comes looking for them before high tide.

Whose Eye Beauty's Really In

When Artemis won the local Miss Tropical Foliage contest, her mother told her, “That’s why I named you after a goddess; I always knew you’d be beautiful.” Artemis soon took to wearing her costume everywhere, and men were always asking if they could take her picture. She was sure she’d be discovered and sent off to Hollywood, and when it didn’t happen her mother told her it was because she’d “given away the cow for free.”




















It was years before Artemis learned what that phrase meant, but meanwhile, at her mother’s insistence, she started wearing clothes that covered and disguised her shapely figure. She refused, however, any footwear but sandals, believing that her feet were too beautiful to hide. She never reigned in her urge to strike a pose upon command, worships Charo, and can still walk into a bar and really rip things up.

Trike, Trike Again

Shecky couldn’t figure out the bike riding thing, even by the time he hit double digits. That shadow is his father, documenting another of Shecky’s many painful and humiliating flesh-on-asphalt moments.

















What no one understood at the time was that Shecky’s vision problems made it very difficult for him to keep his balance. He now pedals proudly, and hopes his dad is watching from heaven, because having the right ride made all the difference.

Joey's First Grenade

It was an afternoon Joey would never forget, the day he abandoned his dreams of becoming a mechanic and pretended to have found a live grenade in the back yard. His dad, recently back from Vietnam, noticed him for the first time in months. He laughed and grabbed the camera. Joey prepared to lob his weapon. “Go for it, son!” he heard his dad yell, jokingly.

Seconds after the light bulb’s flash Joey’s mom came outside and told him she’d whup his ass next time she caught him picking her tomatoes, and pretty soon his dad cracked another beer and returned to his football game. Meanwhile, Joey stayed out in the yard savoring his golden moment.













Here’s Joey last Tuesday. He couldn’t get into the Army like his dad, but he’s managed to meld his childhood love of throwing fresh food into his adult life. He has his own apartment, is saving up for a Hummer, and thinks these are the best years of his life. He’s probably right.