Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Back when they were in their prime, the Melendez boys were a kick-ass force with which to be reckoned. They liked their women wild, their pants tight, their liquor strong, and their nights ugly. The other kids feared them for years. But then Chipmunk started wearing that Amish-y beard and hat and smiling all the time. Soon after that Shel started doing that shirt-mostly-unbuttoned thing and spending too much time on his hair. Paco, Slider and Thorsten tried to hold onto their cool, but it was too late. The family reputation went to hell in a handbasket.
Here’s a picture of a rare family reunion last week. Paco desperately turned to an eyepatch, trying to bring back the glory days, but it was useless. Shel grew a homosexual moustache and developed a terrible case of osteoporosis. Slider tried to show Chipmunk what a proper beard and hat combo should look like, but Chipmunk shaved and started drinking his coke without the Jack. Worst of all, Thorsten bought himself some polo shirts and started showering every day. Paco’s smiling in this picture, but he cried himself to sleep that night.