Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Muffle that Double Take

Whenever Peter Brady would see a pretty girl, a cool motorcycle, or a guy who looked like he smelled good, he’d overreact. He sometimes even yelled things, or just kind of squealed about it being time for change and something he needed to go rearrange. “Be cool, Peter,” his friends always said.

And here’s Peter a few months ago, witnessing a rare trifecta: a really cool motorcycle occupied by a bodacious babe, driven by a guy who looked like the scent of heaven was dripping from his broad shoulders. Luckily, years of pinching and under the table kicks by his wife have given Mr. Brady the ability, if not to be cool, at least to pull it in a little bit.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Listen To Me Now And Hair Me Later

Candace loved her some beehive. In fact, she was the first girl in her small Texas hometown to include the festive bow feature, and was voted “most likely to always have big hair” when she graduated from high school.

That was over forty years ago and as we all know, a lot of things change in our lives once we’re out of our teens. For Candace, some of those changes involved hardscrabble times; sex, drugs and rock-n-roll; and even doing without necessities on occasion. But she’s held her ground steadfastly on the hair front. Sure, it might be a cheesy wig from Salvation Army, but her hair is still big. She bets it’s bigger than yours. There’s probably a bow in there somewhere as well.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Santa Baby

Gavin liked everything about Santa. His proportions, his smile, the fact that he clearly loved kids—everything about Santa seemed perfect. Even the fact that after sitting on Santa’s lap, Gavin found his pants unzipped and didn’t notice until he’d posed for this picture with his new favorite hero could not dissuade Gavin’s ardor. “I’m gonna be just like that when I grow up!” he thought, excitedly.

And he wasn’t far off at all! Here’s Gavin late last night. If he can make it through today and tomorrow, he gets a bonus and one of the elves, but he’d better make it to the mall pretty soon.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Turn And Face The Strange

Mario (“the original super Mario,” as he self-refers) rocked the ‘70s like almost no one else with an inimitable style that was truly his own, at least in the small town where he grew up. This particular outfit was responsible for at least one unwanted offspring that he’s aware of. But then, one magical night in the dark men’s room of a disco dive, what he thought was going to be blow turned out to be something completely different, and Mario never looked back.

Having held on to his vanity firmly, Mario did not want his photo taken now that he’s gotten older. Instead he let me get this shot of his current boy toy. It’s all about the belt buckle and the bulge, but Mario could have told you that thirty years ago.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Life Is A Highway

Back when they were in their prime, the Melendez boys were a kick-ass force with which to be reckoned. They liked their women wild, their pants tight, their liquor strong, and their nights ugly. The other kids feared them for years. But then Chipmunk started wearing that Amish-y beard and hat and smiling all the time. Soon after that Shel started doing that shirt-mostly-unbuttoned thing and spending too much time on his hair. Paco, Slider and Thorsten tried to hold onto their cool, but it was too late. The family reputation went to hell in a handbasket.

Here’s a picture of a rare family reunion last week. Paco desperately turned to an eyepatch, trying to bring back the glory days, but it was useless. Shel grew a homosexual moustache and developed a terrible case of osteoporosis. Slider tried to show Chipmunk what a proper beard and hat combo should look like, but Chipmunk shaved and started drinking his coke without the Jack. Worst of all, Thorsten bought himself some polo shirts and started showering every day. Paco’s smiling in this picture, but he cried himself to sleep that night.

Friday, December 5, 2008

You Can Dress Me Up, But

It started out simply enough. Chris’ parents knew he was a boy, but he had such a pretty face. His mom didn’t think the shoes were all that girly, and pointed out that canes and buckets were male accessories. However, when she made him the tunic top, even his dad, who usually said nothing, put up a fuss. Mom prevailed, but there’s no story in that.

But Chris liked the shoe style, and the tunic. It’s hard to find an exact assimilation of his favorite childhood outfit, but he does his best. He wishes his mother had thought of the matching socks, which really pull the whole thing together.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Learning Curve

When Patrick was growing up, he thought it was cool when Mom broke out the “family sweaters,” and they’d all go to a museum or a zoo and everyone there would know they were related. If Patrick or his sister ever got lost, they were much easier to find. It was a '70s thing...you had to be there.

Bad clothing habits are some of the hardest to break, and Patrick's uncanny ability to find a bad sweater is undiminished. He also still tries to find four-packs, but they’re increasingly rare. The one thing that’s changed is Patrick’s sense of self-identity: now he likes wearing the same sweater as the rest of his family, but not on the same day. And this is the first time he agreed to be photographed alone. Wait until he really blossoms!